Saturday, March 29, 2008

Every girl online is fat, ugly and unsexy. Here's how to get over it.

"But every woman on the Internet gets called slutty and ugly and fat (to put it lightly) no matter what; all we have to be is female. (...)

"The problem is, with so many women I talk to, the trolling is effective. The number of times I've talked down a crying girlfriend after she's been trolled in her comments about being fat, ugly, skanky, slutty or stupid is higher than I can count (no matter what she writes about)."


Ever since I've been in high school, now and then, someone tries to pin one of those ugly names on me.

I can't really say that I've ever been really affected by it. Not that I liked being called fat and ugly.

Bullies used to call me fat. When I wasn't. This is before the age of the internet. People who just wanted to insult me would seriously suggest that I was obese even though I was a perfectly healthy. They had eyes. They would also call me slutty. They must have known that I wasn't dating much let alone sleeping with guys. And ugly? Well, that's all pretty subjective, now isn't it? But I knew that since their insults about had no relationship to reality, it didn't really matter if they did say that.

Somebody should call these a**holes on their rhetoric. It's usually a high school/college frat boy, with girls joining in for good measure, to fit in with the crowd. And even supposed progressives join in.

Fortunately for me, I've confronted so much of that garbage that it doesn't deter me. I know it's just hot air. People who engage in that sort of behaviour are usually extremely insecure, and you think about it long enough, you can find their vulnerabilities. I don't waste time counter-attacking, though. Maybe it's an overweening confidence in my own sense of accomplishment and intelligence. It helps if your self-esteem (or lack thereof) doesn't repose on your physical attributes. If you make something of yourself, there will always be someone to tear you down. The key to not letting them get you down is the assurance that your accomplishments and qualities stand no matter what they say. I often remember a quote from the Imitation of Christ: "Blame does not make you more sinful, nor praise more holy." Replace "sinful" and "holy" with other attributes, and that's the truth.

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