Saturday, December 29, 2007

Feminism: if you can't score a date, it's the man's fault!

When I was a feminist, many years ago, used to think women were oppressed and victims. And like this columnist, I thought many men had it in for women-- especially smart women. A woman who raised her voice against the patriarchy was a woman setting herself to be a victim because she challenged the pecking order.

That's the way you think when you're a feminist: it's all about power. It's all about classifying yourself as a victim when things don't go your way.

Tanya Gold says that men want women lobotomized. The proof? When she attended speed dating sessions and pretended to be a high-powered, intellectual, professional, men were turned off. But when she pretended to be a dumb florist with the IQ of a doorknob, men were interested.

It doesn't seem to occur to Ms. Gold that the reason men might have been turned off by her presentation is because she came off too strong and showed herself to be interested in things that the other person may not be interested in.

I used to be like that,too. I thought coming on strong and showing my cards was an asset. It works when you find the right person who happens to click with you. It worked with my husband. But with most men, it doesn't work. Coming on too strong makes most people uncomfortable. It doesn't matter what the circumstance is: whether you're looking for a dating partner, a friend or a business partner.

And yes, when you have specialized, very intellectual pursuits, most people are not going to be interested. That is why I don't talk a lot about abortion with other people. Are you shocked? That's what my blog's for. (Not to mention the fact it's a real lightning rod issue). I also happen to like Church history and poetry. Unless you find another historian or a poet, nobody cares. It's not a man-woman thing. It's a universal thing.

When she was "dumb" she seemed to ask the men about their interests. Her questions were stupid, but so what? She was trying to get the other person to talk. But when she played the professional, she seemed focused only on her interests.

It is human nature to like people who act interested in your pursuits. If I were dating, and a man with a borderline IQ would ask me about my job and interests, that would be a definite plus in his favour. Sure, I'd really want a guy who has approximately the same area of interests and IQ, but maybe if he respects what I do, I'm going to like him. We can click.

Ms. Gold seemed to feel entitled to men liking her because of her brain. For many men, brains are an asset. It's just that you can be a veritable genius in academia, but if you have poor social skills, you're not going to attract men. Smart women often do not get that. They think that being able to converse about high-brow matters makes entitled to being liked and respected. When they don't get that respect, they turn sour against men. That's why I think they are so many smart women in the world who are feminists. It's easier to blame society for the lack of social skills.

And oh, I loved this line:

After 40 years of feminism we shouldn't really burn our bras. We should burn our men. Love may be dissembled but statistics never lie. Reader, let me tell you: men want me - and you - to be lobotomised.

Human rights complaint, anyone?

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